Be Kind

I was texting a friend the other day and I’m not sure what the conversation was about but someone did something nice for her or someone she knew and it was a kind gesture, but they then used it as a way to get something from them. And it made me frustrated because they used the kind gesture as a way to manipulate someone else. It devalued the whole purpose of the kind gesture. And it devalues the whole point of kind gestures. I think us as a society have gotten to a point where we are wary of someone asking for a favor or asking someone for a favor because we are afraid that they will use it and “cash in” on it in the future. 

We have created a society that guilts and manipulates people into thinking their acts of kindness should be something more. But why have we created that environment? For some reason we have confused kindness with getting something from someone. But people are self centered, we have created a “me-first” world focused on prioritizing our individualized glory, power, money, or fame by whatever means necessary. We think that by doing a kind thing or doing something from someone else that we will get recognized or appreciated in some way that we can then use to further our own individualized plan. 

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I think that is wrong. We should do the things we do for the people in our lives that make it so special. If someone feels like warmth and love, tell them. If someone impacts your life on a high level, tell them. Don’t tell them because by telling them they may see you as more than a friend or something else. Tell them because they make your life better and that is enough

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If you have known me for a while you know that I love affirmations and little notes and cards. If you spend enough time with me you’ll hear me eventually rant on community and our need for belonging and finding connection. Heck, I've written a couple posts on that idea. My whole mission is to help people feel that they belong and that they are heard, seen, and appreciated. A part of that comes from my struggle with that, but some of it comes from the fact that I just want my people to know how much they mean to me. That they matter to me and that they have impacted my life. 

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And if you’ve spent enough time around me you’ll know that I LOVE to write letters and notes to people about what they mean to me. I don’t do this to make them see me in a different way or to change what the relationship is. I do it because I think we as a society have failed at expressing to others the impact they have on our lives. I want the people in my life that make it special to know what they mean to me. So I tell them and then I tell them again and again. I want them to recognize what makes them special and unique and how they have created value in my life. I don’t want to waste the opportunity to make someone feel loved, to feel seen, and to feel appreciated. We all deserve that and I want to shower my people with that love. 

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We will meet thousands of people over our lifetime. When we die and pass away, what do you want people to say about you? What will they remember? Will they remember the number in your bank account or what titles you held at a company or what you accomplished? Probably not. But they will remember how you made them feel. They will remember what you saw in them or how you pushed them as an individual. How you challenged and inspired people, how you made them feel alive. 

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The end of the day people just want to feel a part of something. I have talked about this before in my posts about belonging. But that’s the truth, people want to have their soul seen. And all that brings us back to kindness. Don’t do something so that someone affirms you or to make them rethink a friendship in hopes they may see you as more than a friend. Say nice things to them, provide a random act of kindness, because they are your friend and at the end of the day you just want to see them shine. 

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Tell them that. Then tell them again, then say nice things about them behind their back and compliment them to their face. Spread more random acts of kindness. I’ll finish by adding my favorite quote: “Loyalty is not something that simply happens. It is always predicated by an independent selfless act: a supportive word, a kindly gesture, an unprovoked act of goodness.” Give someone that little extra nudge, or show them you care, be there in trying times. Be Kind for kindness sake and not to push an underlying agenda. Make people feel loved and help them spread that spark of fire in their soul so we can all light the world on fire. 

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