I wrote this back in a previous interaction of this blog/newsletter but I feel that it is timely to talk about shifting our thoughts to neutral rather than just thinking that everything is positive or negative.
I’ve written before about simplifying and explaining some complex skills and topics in the mental health and wellbeing space. So today we are going to explore neutral thoughts and how to shift negative thoughts to a neutral mindset and allow us to be more present in the moment. In the most simplistic term a neutral thought is just us observing a moment with nothing attached to it. No emotion, just observation. It is a powerful tool so let’s dive into it a bit further.
Throughout my playing career I was often reminded to think positively when down or focus on what we are doing well and to continue to do that in hopes to claw our way back. As much as I want to be positive in these types of situations, the truth is these thoughts can be repulsive to the team or individuals. They may look at the situation, “we are down by 20 and you’re (coach, teammates, etc…) telling us to keep our heads up, really F this.”
While positive thinking is powerful and can help re-shift the mind in difficult times, it can have that repulsive effect where it seems to be ignoring the situation at hand. Telling someone to be positive and to find the good in the situation while they are going through a divorce, breakup, or dealing with a tough life/personal situation doesn’t help. They want to say that it sucks, that it is hard. Staying positive is repulsive and unhelpful in that situation. Heck, this is where the term toxic positivity comes from. I think inorganic positivity is a better term. Regardless, trying to force happiness and light into a situation because it is “positive” won’t get you anywhere. Instead, that’s when you need to shift to neutral.
Just like how positive thinking can be a beneficial and helpful, negative thinking does the same thing but in the opposite direction. If you have a negative thought and verbalize it or act on it, you are more likely to stay in the negative situation. Negative self-talk, negative thoughts about a situation, or negative comments will warp the brain and prevent you from moving forward. You’ll get stuck in a negative feedback loop. So instead of focusing and forcing something positive it is time to shift to neutral and observe the situation. Be a bystander and see what unfolds.
Instead of forcing a positive statement or getting stuck in a negative thought cycle it is more beneficial to shift to a neutral state and neutral thoughts. The basis of neutral thinking is to not act or say the negative thought out loud. Neutral thinking is very similar to being mindful of a situation, but mindfulness is a higher level more complex skill, so it is easier to start with simple, neutral thoughts and just observe. As I mentioned above, sometimes it is better to just be a bystander.
You are allowed to think that a situation sucks or is difficult, but verbalizing it won’t get you anywhere, it will just create and start that cycle of negative emotions. And forcing positivity into a situation as we already discussed can be repulsive and create an unhelpful situation.
In a situation where you don’t externalize or verbally recognize the negative you are already ahead. The next step is not focusing on the positive. You don’t need to be positive, by not being negative you have already put your mind in a forward position. Which means that you are able to observe the situation and come up with the best course of action rather than acting from a negative place or thinking what you should do based on a forced positive thought.
You are the one in control. I could talk more about this concept, but I’ve explained it more when I have discussed meditation and visualization skills. By controlling your thoughts and not acting on the negativity of a situation you are already putting yourself in a situation to be successful. Furthermore, you are not letting the past predict what you do in the future, or more importantly what you do in the NOW. With a negative thought pattern, you get stuck in the past and a situation and then end up in that cycle without being able to break. Additionally, always trying to be positive can be exhausting so it is better to shift to the neutral and just take things on as they come, which is the fundamental baseline of mindfulness.
Now you may be wondering what a neutral thought looks like, and that is an extremely valid question. The best way to describe it is just accepting the situation for what it is. A good friend of mine says that “you’ll have good days, and you might have some not so good days,” which is a very simple way to think of a neutral thought. You’ll have good days, and you get to enjoy those, and on the not so good days recognize them and accept them for what they are, but don’t let them control you and shift you to being in a negative state. These not so good days do not take away what you are capable of or what you have done.
The biggest thing with neutral thinking is to focus on the things that you can control, letting go of what you can’t, and find the things that help you focus on the things that fill your cup. Shifting away from the binary negative or positive thought pattern opens more possibilities in analyzing how to handle a difficult or new situation. Being mindful and understanding of your thought patterns helps you avoid dwelling on a bad situation or forcing positive emotions or feelings that are unbeneficial to a scenario. The power of neutral thinking allows you to readjust and reanalyze a situation so you can better show up for yourself and in turn the people around you.
Opening up about my struggles. The isolating, the lonliness, the fear. Hoping to help anyone struggling so they know they are not along
Opening on how to change to conversation around mental health and helping others find their spark