To be Seen, to be Heard, to be Appreciated

Last week I posted on Instagram about the importance of community and our human need to be seen, heard, and appreciated. Three simple things that we seek as individuals. These three things help us feel that we belong and bring us closer to our community. However, as much as we want to feel this way we also need to help others feel this way. In a circular way when we can feel seen, heard, and appreciated and do it to those around us the connections we build become deeper and the impact we have on our community transcends just physical connection.

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In my Instagram post I touched on briefly what it meant to be seen, heard, and appreciated but today I am going to dive deeper into that and explore and flesh out these topics even more.

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To be Seen. This is fundamental to human nature and human psychology. We want people to see us, and not just them to be able to look at us and say “Hey Sam” but for them to look past the externals, to look past our external characteristics and see us for who we are. Truly seeing someone is looking past their external achievements and to see their happiness and joy, to see their soul’s purpose and light. It is to still celebrate their achievements but to look past it and see how it becomes a reflection of their soul. Then it is our job to show them that part of themselves so they know that they can and do live in that way. Seeing requires us to acknowledge someone’s purpose and their soul.

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As I have discussed before in previous posts, once we find that spark inside our soul and decide to live it loudly and proudly we can start creating the world and life we want to live. Being seen is what happens when we fully start to embody our internal love for ourselves and having it be reflected and acknowledged by those around us. If we keep doing something that we love and it is not acknowledged or recognized by those that mean the most to us then we will shrink and play small and shift back to an old mindset that may not be as expressive of our internal world and the light of our soul. But when those that mean the most to us do see us and that spark inside our soul being lived loudly and they acknowledge that in us it gives us the push to keep going knowing that there is a community and support system behind us. Being fully seen increases our confidence and gives us the acknowledgment to keep pursuing our dreams and our goals.

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To Be Heard. We all want our voice to be heard and recognized. We want to be able to say something and for others to listen and know where we are coming from. When our voice is heard we feel comfortable to express ourselves fully. However, in order to truly hear someone requires us to listen attentively to their words and language patterns. It requires us to kill our own ego and just be a support system. For us to reflect back to them their struggle or success and let them know that their thoughts and words did not land on deaf ears. Hearing someone is hard. Because usually when we listen to someone we listen to respond. We don’t listen to just sit and hear what they have to say, we are waiting for our turn in the conversation so we can get our words out. But if we are doing that then we are not truly hearing what someone else has to say.

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When we listen just to respond we are listening and looking for ways to interject our opinion or to offer help. And while those things are appreciated in certain circumstances, to continually offer help minimizes people’s ability to express themselves and feel heard. By continually doing that eventually people will just stop opening up and because they tried to express themselves but rather than being heard they were told how to react or how someone may have it worse, making their feelings feel invalid. This will cause people to shrink and play small, afraid to express themselves next time for fear of not being heard.

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Sometimes the best thing we can do is just provide the space for someone to express themselves and for us to listen to them. Not offer support, or help, or an opinion. But to just sit with them and let them know that their words and whatever they are going through whether the good or not so good are heard. Let people express themselves and listen to how they light up or how they articulate what they are going through. Make sure their voice is heard and give them permission to express it. Let people be heard.

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To be Appreciated. This may be the simplest thing to do but still requires a level of presence on our end to truly appreciate those around us. Tell people what makes them special, tell them what they mean to you. Tell them often and then tell them again. Let them know when you think of them or see something that reminds you of them. Appreciate and tell them how they have impacted and improved your life and how they impact those around them. Let them know about their gifts and how they influence those around them. Appreciate people, just like when it comes to seeing others it requires us to look beyond just their physical appearance and their external accolades. It requires us to just be present and just honor the moments we have with them and to let them know what makes them special and unique.

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Appreciation gives others the permission to be themselves. To know that what they bring to the table is valued and cherished. It is the act of letting others be free and alive and liberated from the external pressures and expectations put on them from others. Truly appreciating another individual is giving them permission to just be themselves knowing that you, we, whoever, appreciated and love them for being who they are exactly where they are in life.

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These three seemingly simple phrases and verbs is the core of human connection and recognition. It is what we all want from our relationships and interactions. And getting there and achieving it takes skill, it takes time. You don’t just overnight do these things, it is a continuous process to let people in. To show kindness and shower those with love. To see them for who they are, to hear their story, and appreciate everything that are. Doing so will empower those around you to fully embrace themselves and to fully live that spark inside their soul. It will lead to deeper and more powerful connections and allow you to take that next step to the life you want to live.